For some unknown reason I don't have school on Friday, so-even though it's Wednesday-it's like a Thursday for me. I woke up this morning in a pretty bummy mood. =/ I have no idea why, I mean I had a great night last night. I got a lot of school work done and then I took Bear to Rita's before bed. We rolled the windows down, turned the volume up and were screaming songs out the windows. It was so much needed fun that just took my mind off of everything. When I got home I had a good conversation with Ryan. So really there is no reason why I should feel like this today. I hate waking up in a yucky mood. =[
I have never wanted summer to come so bad. There is nothing more I want than to have freedom. Besides the fact that it's my last summer before college! Anyway, so after school I took my aunt to work and the strangest thing happened. We were driving with the windows down and all of a sudden something flew in the window and hit me while I was driving. My aunt and I both looked at it, contemplating if what we saw was legit. I got hit with a damn stick! It was huge and it came into the window so suddenly! After a few seconds of silence, we both cracked up. As I was driving home, I got stuck behind a million slowwww drivers sugar daddy apps and this only further activated my road rage.
We just had the classic American dinner, hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. Not really my favorite but I ate and kept it down. Although, I'm ashamed to say that I did purge earlier today. =/ I don't mean to be a stick in the mud but I think maybe if I get this all out I'll feel better. Today is just one of those days that I feel hopeless and alone. Does anybody else get those days? I get them a lot and it's really discouraging. I've been doing everything I can to stay on some kind of track. I talk a lot in therapy, I listen to calming music, I blog, I talk to people, and I'm finally taking my medication regularly. I'm doing the best that I can possibly do. And thank goodness that I'm keeping the suicidal thoughts away because I have such a hard time controlling them.
Well bloggie buddies I think that I'm going to go to the beer store and hang out with my aunt so that I can finally get the heck out of this house. My Gram is constantly breathing down my neck and I can't take it anymore. She bothers me so I ignore and avoid her and then she tells my Mom that I hate her and I get into trouble. All I was trying to do is keep trouble away and I just get into even more. Sorry for being a negative writer today but I actually feel a little better now. Tomorrow's another day and I'm looking forward to the challenges ahead...
In the middle of the night.
The weekend was too short! I didn't really do too much but sometimes a little of nothing is good. Friday night I did as I said I would in my last post, I took Bear to see Alice in Wonderland. It was so good! When we were in the lobby waiting in line to get snacks Bear decided that he was going to pick me up, literally. I started kicking and yelling “Put me down, put me down!” When he finally decided to put me down, my feet weren't underneath me because I was kicking. So basically I fell flat on my butt, hurting my tailbone extremely bad. As if that isn't embarrasing enough, my shoe flew off and hit this guy and-while I was still on the ground-he handed it to me and said “Here's your shoe.” It was the most degrading experience ever! Well, not really but it felt like it in the moment.